


A Most Coveted Burden

by LaVik



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 03:48:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5612797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaVik/pseuds/LaVik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To thwart the newest scheme of Supreme Leader Snoke, the Resistance employs the assistance of a woman named Yasha, once Ben Solo's greatest rival as a young apprentice in the Jedi apprentice. Luke Skywalker's return heralds the revelation of years of secrets that have shaped the fate of the entire galaxy. Can what was broken ever be truly mended?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"General?"

General Leia Organa looked back over her shoulder at one of her lieutenants charged with monitoring communications from the Millennium Falcon. She attempted to wipe the weary expression from her face, though everyone in every corner of the base knew that it had been days since she had slept a proper night's sleep. Six days. Six days since the legendary Han Solo had died at the hands of his own son. Their son. No one begrudged their devoted General a period of mourning, but there were some instances where the solitude which she often imposed upon herself simply needed to be interrupted. Such was the fate, she conceded, of the leader of the resistance. Her time for her own mourning would not take precedent over the needs of the people.

"They're bringing Luke Skywalker back to the base and are requesting cover for transport once they enter our system."

"Understandable," she nodded wearily. "I'm sure there'd be more than one headhunter that would like to see their safe passage to D'Qar intercepted -"

"Master Skywalker has someone else from the island he's bringing with them," the Lieutenant interrupted carefully. "A girl. He says that he can't leave her on the island, that it would not be right to abandon her there."

"Did she have a name?"

"They called her Yasha," the Lieutenant supplied, and General Organa's eyes drifted shut - she drew in a long, slow breath through her nostrils. It was a name she wasn't sure she wanted to hear again. That girl, after all - though through no fault of her own - had played such a large part in Ben's desertion to the Dark Side. But once, Yasha Faygill had been dear to her too. And she was alive.

"General?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head gently to refocus her thoughts - to plan their next move before succumbing to such emotions. "Send Poe Dameron and his squadron to meet them when they enter the system."

"Yes, General Organa."

Finally alone again, Leia gently covered her face with her hands, willing away the false sense of hope that arose when she learned that Yasha Faygill was alive - alive and safely hidden with Luke Skywalker, no less. It meant that Ben had spared her - and if he had spared her, it meant that even when he had slaughtered all of the other young Jedi in training, he'd still had a heart then. Leia no longer wanted to hope that her son had a heart - not right now, anyway. Not after what he had done to his father.

Leia Organa had never truly believed that her family was separated forever - not until now. And hope was painful when it was crushed. She didn't want to risk having more hope to destroy, but Yasha's return would bring about precisely that.

* * *

Rey struggled with the fact that the two new passengers they had picked up on this strange planet simply didn't speak much at all. Granted, it may have been new to them. They'd been on a mostly uninhabited island for a good amount of time now and had no one but one another to speak with.

Or perhaps, Rey mused inwardly, they didn't speak at all. Maybe that was what Jedi did, simply sat around all day reading one another's minds. It wasn't as if she truly knew anything about any of this. About a week ago, it had all been the stuff of myth and legend that she had better things to do than believe true.

Shaking her head to regain her focus, she began to set coordinates back to D'Qar, her hands swift and adept in managing the controls of the Millennium Falcon. She flinched slightly from the noise in the co-pilot seat, coming from her newly gained co-pilot.

"I'm not excited, Chewie."

Another set of roars and groan-like laughter.

"What do you mean, not even about Finn?" Rey asked in a low voice, her brow furrowing and her face flushing as she returned her focus to the controls. "You're being ridiculous, Chewie."

The Wookie gave a blaring sound of laughter at the younger woman's response, to which she responded with a dull smack on his shoulder.

"Shut up."

* * *

 

The arrival back on D'Qar was quiet - perhaps Rey had been naive to think it would have been more joyful an event that she was bringing back the last Jedi master to his sister. There was, after all, an air of too little too late by now. As they disembarked from the Millennium Falcon, no one was there to greet them. By now, everyone had returned to their posts and their duties; life in the Resistance had, it appeared, resumed normalcy. They had been met, as ordered, by Poe Dameron's entire crew who had seen to their safe passage; now, they walked over the practically empty grounds.

Still, when the entire party headed by Rey entered the inner threshold of the Resistance headquarters to meet with General Organa, she at least rose to greet them, approaching her brother first and embracing him with tears in her eyes.

Luke, on his part, seemed strangely disconnected despite his sister's obvious affection towards him. Rey looked at the weathered old man in Jedi robes and gently narrowed her eyes in confusion. She knew that Jedi were trained in the art of detachment, of complete balance and peace - but were they not still human? If they were not, she began to wonder if a Jedi was indeed still something that a person might actually aspire to be if they were deprived of such basic human experiences.

And Yasha, the woman who lurked a few steps behind Master Skywalker at all times, who still regarded him with reverence despite no longer being his formal pupil - General Leia Organa's gaze drifted to the woman. Rey was surprised to see recognition on both of their faces as they shared a long glance.

"You must be tired," Leia said, drawing her head higher and looking to face her brother, who now looked in every way to be a wise and battle-weary Jedi Knight - the Luke of legends and not of Leia Organa's memories. "I'm sure we have much to talk about, but I don't think it's the time - we have spare quarters. They're not much, but they're enough."

"Thank you," Luke spoke finally - the sound of his voice seemed almost to startle Leia, as it had been years since she had heard it at all. Finally, the brother and sister managed a small, weak smile for one another before he bowed reverently and started towards the guest quarters. The entire party began filing out, though as always, the younger woman who had accompanied Luke stood behind, allowing herself to go last. She turned to leave when she heard a voice speak her name - the voice of the only other person in the room, the General herself.

"Yasha."

The younger woman froze in her tracks, halted from retreating to the humble guest quarters of the base. Slowly, Yasha turned to face the fearless leader of the Resistance. "General," she said with a respectful incline of her head. "I would like to thank you again for your -"

"We can skip the niceties, we know each other. I would not have had you left out there," Leia interrupted. "You know about Ben by now, then. You know what he's done."

The pallor that overtook Yasha's face gave Leia her answer, in case of the event that the younger woman could not supply one. However, with a quaver in her voice, she managed somehow to speak. "None of this was what I wanted. All I wanted was to be a good Jedi. I was a child, I couldn't have taken responsibility for -"

"I know," Leia interrupted again, her eyes briefly drifting shut. "I know that you've done nothing that you need to atone for. That's not why I wanted to speak with you."

Now, it was Yasha's turn to close her eyes, her shoulders sagging in relief. When she opened them again, there was a warmth to them as though something in her had thawed out - Leia, for the first time in years, saw the girl she had known years ago, who had brought out the best in her son when he had still been called Ben Solo. "You were one of the best," Leia said plainly. "You trained with my brother too, and now we need you. The Resistance needs you."

"Master Skywalker didn't finish," Yasha protested weakly. "On me or on Ben. I don't think I can help you -"

"You and Ben were so much alike," Leia said, her voice now weary and strangely pleading. "You knew him, Yasha."

To this, Yasha Faygill had no retort. She looked down at her shoes and reverted to what she did best - diversion.

"The girl. Rey," she began slowly, still unable to look up at the older woman before her. "She doesn't remember who it was that brought her to Jakku, does she?"

"She's waiting for someone," Leia said, explaining as best she could. "She..."

But upon seeing the strange expression on Yasha's face - the mix of both apprehension and warmth - something stirred in Leia. And she knew. She had known when she had looked into Rey's eyes the first time that the girl was no stranger, but there was more to her. Yasha gave a short, knowing nod.

"There were whispers for many months," Yasha began vaguely. "Whispers that someone among us in the Jedi Temple would soon betray us. Master Skywalker said nothing to you, but he could feel it coming from Ben. He could already see that... that he'd been entranced by Snoke's schemes. So I accompanied him to Jakku, to leave his child for safekeeping..."

So many truths coming to the surface at once left Leia feeling as though she had to gasp for air. Rey was Luke's child. And they had known about Ben months before his betrayal. Everything had been slowly coming together even then, culminating in all that had transpired in the recent weeks. Yasha hung her head in shame, and Leia could feel the heaviness of the burden the young woman bore when the conversation drifted to the topic of a certain _Ben Solo_.

"I wonder it too," she admitted so quietly that Leia thought perhaps she had imagined the young woman's voice. "I wonder if perhaps I could have stopped him, if I had stopped trying to be a good Jedi and been... and been a good person. I wonder if perhaps it was my mistake..."

Yasha's hand reached absently to the back of her own neck and began to fiddle with a small braided strand that began near the nape of her neck, ornamented with a pair of copper beads and wrapped at the end with piece of crimson string. Leia remembered the first day that she had seen her son wearing a similar ornament, seen the distant, elated look on his face of which, for a young man like him, a young woman would always be the cause.

"You were ready. You were a good student," Leia said gently. "You didn't need to be so afraid of failing."

At this, General Leia Organa gave a short nod and took her leave of the girl, leaving Yasha to her own thoughts.

The General was, in Yasha Faygill's mind, very wrong. She had every reason to fear failing. She had already been failing, and failing terribly, even if no one had known. A Jedi was meant not to harbor such troublesome emotions, such burdensome attachments - and surely, being in love was the most burdensome of all.

 


	2. Strange Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new plan is hatched to gain intel on the First Order. Yasha struggles to understand a new way of life outside of the Jedi Order.

A full stomach and a set of clean clothes, General Organa realized, did wonders in transforming the tired girl from the night prior into the fresh-faced young woman she could still picture in her mind - the young woman who she had many times in another life seen holding hands with her son, the last person with whom Leia Organa had seen Ben smile. Now, however, was not the time to reminisce about these things. Now was the time to plan - and now that they had the last remaining Jedi Master and his last surviving pupil in their midst, Leia felt some hope that perhaps there was hope for a new plan. A better plan.

"The First Order isn't done with us yet," she spoke up finally, standing and briefly raising her hands to gain the attention of everyone gathered at the table to discuss their next course of action. "And now, we're at a disadvantage. We no longer have intelligence on the inside."

Now, the gazes directed towards a darker skinned man wearing looser garments, with gauze bandage peering over the top. Situated a few seats at the table away from Rey upon whom he had focused his stare, he looked a bit surprised at the sudden attention.

"Look, I'm sorry," he began plainly. "I don't know anything else about what their plans might be. Not anymore. Whatever comes after the plans for the Starkiller Base is way over my paygrade."

"I might know a way."

Quickly, the heads turned to the new voice - Yasha had spoken up. Looking slightly surprised at herself as well, she cleared her throat and realized that there was no taking back her thoughts now. "Maybe, at least. My father was an inventor and... and many of designs were never actually made, but there was one. An unmanned spy droid no larger than my hand," she said. The lilt of her voice and the slight leap of her eyebrows well her tell, as only a handful of people knew. She was excited about the possibility of such an idea. "He called it the Crawler. If anything could get in and out of an enemy base, that might be our chance."

"So you've seen the plans?" Rey spoke up, leaning gently over the edge of the table towards their new companion. "You've seen some kind of blueprint for this... for this Crawler?"

"A long time ago. Years ago," Yasha began. "But yes, I have. I don't know if -"

"If you've seen it and it's in your memories somewhere, I can find it," Rey suggested with more confidence in her voice than she actually possessed in her abilities. There was, after all, the chance that the first time had been a fluke. "If... if you'll allow it."

Leia looked momentarily apprehensive, and Yasha tensed visibly - both for similar reasons. Yasha Faygill's memory held many useful things, to be sure... but it also held many painful things, and many hidden things. The fact remained, however, that they had a mission to fulfill and a limited pool of resources with which to accomplish it. Fear of old secrets was not reason enough, both Leia and Yasha seemed to conclude at the same time without saying a word, to bypass what was possibly their best alternative.

"See if you can retrieve the plans from Yasha's memory - it's worth a try," Leia spoke up, not allowing Yasha the opportunity to say anything to the contrary. "We don't exactly have our picking of options. Do what you can, I leave it up to you."

Yasha and Rey nodded to one another and departed, leaving the meeting room and walking wordlessly alongside one another to one of the vacant sleeping quarters down the corridor. Yasha sat on the cot, while Rey grabbed a trunk from the other corner of the room and dragged it across the floor so she was situated right in front of the other woman.

"Alright," Rey said, hesitantly taking a breath and raising her hands so that they were on either side of Yasha's head. "Just hold still..."

But for a few tense seconds, Rey was able to find nothing. She gritted her teeth and shut her eyes. When her life had depended on her ability to do these things, to practice the skills that belonged to the Jedi, she had been able to - she'd been able to do these things as though she had somehow seen them in her life, somehow remembered them. But where were those skills now? She grimaced and lowered her hands, slumping slightly in disappointment.

"I'm sorry," she said in exasperation. "I... I don't know why it's not working."

"It's not working because you're too set on making it work. You're too worried," Yasha said knowingly. Rey lifted her head, and now saw the strange stillness that she had seen in Luke Skywalker's eyes when he had first greeted his sister - the calm of one who had trained in the ways of the Jedi. It was a quiet assertion of strength, of knowing. She had seen it in Kylo Ren's eyes as well, though not nearly as artfully maintained. "Raise your hands again," Yasha said with a placid smile. Rey complied, taking a breath and continuing to look into Yasha's eyes, finding her own reflection in them.

"And then?"

"And then simply let it be," Yasha explained. "Feel that the Force is within you and within me, that you and I are connected, that my memories are yours and yours are mine." Yasha's words flowed smoothly, silkily from her. "Know that what you seek in my memories travels along a long thread into your own."

When Yasha closed her eyes, Rey followed suit, thought she could not tell if it was of her own volition or if she had complied because of Yasha's suggestion. Whatever the case, she felt herself slowly descending into the depths of Yasha's thoughts. Images and sounds swirled around her, though many were blurred or unclear. Rey did see clearly, however, the vision of a young girl inking something onto paper with dexterity and ease. The plans...

Rey gasped quietly and opened her eyes, glancing over at Yasha. The plans, just as Yasha had promised, had seemed to travel into Rey's mind. But one thing that she saw besides the blueprints for the Crawlers now nagged at her.

"Your father wasn't the one who designed the Crawler," she stated. Yasha gave a small smile.

"My father was better with his hands. I just had the ideas," she laughed gently. "Before I left to train with Master Skywalker, we'd planned to build it one day. It just didn't happen... many things didn't happen as they were meant to."

"It's excellent - if we can get our hands on the materials, it's perfect," Rey insisted. "Why did you lie and say that your father had designed it? It's yours -"

"A person chooses what they want to be," Yasha explained. "I wanted to be a Jedi. In order for that to become true... there were a great many things I could _not_ be."

"Maybe that isn't the way it needed to be," Rey pointed out casually, shifting so she could open the trunk she was sitting on and pulling out some charcoal and a brittle piece of paper on which to sketch out the plans for the Crawler before she forgot them. "Maybe that's why the Jedi died off, because they couldn't change with the times."

The casual observation was one that, for whatever reason, appeared to truly shake Yasha. She lost the calm facade that she wore just moments earlier and took a sharp breath, clasping her hands in her lap. There was truth to it, but it was a truth that Yasha was not yet prepared to face. Instead, she remained silent the way the Jedi did when they were troubled, because turmoil was a friend of Chaos, and Chaos was the weapon of the Dark Side. She'd learned those lessons well, and she continued to carry them with her.

With sketch in hand, refined with some of Yasha's advice, Rey exited the room with Yasha following slowly behind. Upon their exit, they found that the meeting in the Great Room only just been adjourned and the throng of Resistance fighters now headed for a mid-day meal in good spirits. The Resistance had, even after the tragedies they had experienced, recovered for the most part and found some semblance of joy again in its daily motions. Wading through the crowd, Rey struggled to pick out a familiar face now that the plans were laid. She simply needed a team - filled with excitement at being part of something so grand filled her with a thrill, even if it pained her at times, even if she did not always understand. This was, she realized, what it felt like to belong.

"Finn," Rey called out over the crowd making its way to the mess hall - and like a ship drawn to a beacon of light, he immediately turned to the source of her voice, unable to conceal a smile from pulling onto his face as she drew near. "Finn, look at this," she said, brandishing the sketch of the Crawler and giving it a gentle shake. "This is what's going to get us intelligence from the First Order - I just need to build it," she said simply.

"With what?"

"Well, I know exactly where to get the supplies I need," Rey said simply, gesticulating gently with the hand that held the sketched out plans. "I just need to go back to -"

"Let me guess," Finn said with a good-natured roll of his eyes. "You need to go back to Jakku. Imagine that -"

"I want you to come with me, to help me," Rey spoke up, and immediately, Finn's protests stopped. His mouth shut, he blinked, momentarily dumbfounded. "Chewie could use a rest, he's been through enough the past week or so. And I'm sure you'll be a good enough co-pilot." Finn paused, though he wasn't sure what motivated his hesitation - he wanted to go with her. Even if he didn't want to, he still obviously would. Still, damned if he wasn't pretty shellshocked every time someone said they wanted to go back to Jakku, as though it were some sort of destination. People around here, he mused, certainly were not versed in the art of saving their own hides.

Finally, with a heavy exhale, he grinned and nodded. "When do we leave?"

"Right now," Rey nodded - and this time, she took a hold of his hand, pulling him towards the exit, out towards the Millennium Falcon lay waiting to take them to Jakku.

Meanwhile, from a distance, Yasha Faygill looked on. Her expression was pensive, having witnessed their entire exchange. Rey was the hope of the Jedi. Rey was among the keys to their victory - yet even she allowed herself to succumb to joy, to succumb to her emotions and her attachments to others. Was that not against the Jedi way? Yasha's brow knitted as her confusion grew, the more she mulled over the situation in her mind. In every permutation. with every possible attempt to explain it away, it made less and less sense - was less and less congruent with the beliefs she had been trained in.

"Perhaps," came a familiar voice behind her, "even a Master is entitled to his mistakes."

Yasha turned around to see Luke standing behind her, and when she turned to face him, his expression roved over hers before slowly glancing upwards.

"For many years, you've followed me, despite the fact that I am no longer your teacher. You still continued learning from me," he stated with a small bow of his head. "And it pains me now to wonder if perhaps I led both you and Ben astray."

"Master Skywalker?" Yasha asked, her head tilting to one side. "I don't think I understand -"

"When I began taking young Jedi into my tutelage, I was very much like you were - young, and still unlearned in all of the nuances of the Force," he began, nodding for her to walk with him. "We were able to defeat the Galactic Empire with new ways, not with the old. But the Old Ways were all I knew how to teach, because they were the ways of my teachers. How could I admit to an entire generation of students that even I did not know all the ways of the Force?" he added with a quiet laugh - and laughter was something which Yasha could not claim to remember ever having heard from him.

"I don't understand," she repeated, shaking her head.

"This is a new war. This is a new age," Luke stated as they reached the outside. He took in a deep breath of the clean air and looked at the young woman beside him, who tensed at the beginning of his statement, which unbeknownst to the aged Jedi Master echoed very closely the words that Rey had spoken just moments earlier. "In this war, your emotions are not a weakness. They are your strength. These are new ways, Yasha Faygill... but we all must learn them.


	3. His Place In Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren comes across a memory that is no longer his to remember, and learns his new mission in Supreme Leader Snoke's plans.

_"It is not now as it hath been of yore;—_   
_Turn wheresoe'er I may,_   
_By night or day,_   
_The things which I have seen I now can see no more..."_

**_\- from "Ode. Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood" by William Wordsworth_ **

* * *

The First Order continued to hum with activity, despite the loss of the Starkiller Base - despite the fact that it was an entire planet, the Supreme Leader had instilled in them the belief that it was only a small loss. It was only a temporary setback to their inevitable conquest. Perhaps they wandered without a home planet for the time being, but this was always temporary. There was no need for such sentimental concepts as _home_ , so long as there was a place from which they could continue their plans.

The ship was as much of a _home_ as was needed.

The familiar halls onboard their spacecraft were cold metal, suited to their needs. There was no need to harbor warmth or comfort here. Such things were luxuries afforded for those too weak to survive. There was, however, a great deal of other things onboard that admittedly were of great use and great value. As such, the ability to navigate the ship unseen would yield a generous prize - a generous prize that a particular droid would attain with surprisingly little resistance. Creeping through the shadows and exiting through a hatch that led to the outside through the hangar, the Crawler crept triumphantly away, launching itself back into space towards the transport pod that would carry it back to its location of origin.

Kylo Ren saw it leave from where he stood in his own chambers, behind a table with a digital projection map perched next to the table with a view outside of the galaxy he had been assured in time would be his. He knew that no one else would have seen the Crawler. But the sight of the small robotic being was like the completion of a circuit in his mind that had long remained unclosed. So surreal was the sight of it that he did not give a moment's thought to reporting it to Hux, or to the Supreme Leader. It was merely an artifact of a distant memory. Kylo Ren thought only of the meaning of a single realization: he recognized the Crawler. He knew it well because he had helped to design it, long ago. It was his. He nearly felt something that resembled anger upon seeing it, as though something had been stolen from him - but he reminded himself again.

No, he insisted, allowing his eyes to drift shut behind his mask as he stared out into the vastness of the sky in the direction where the Crawler had disappeared. The idea had not belonged to him. It was an idea that belonged to Ben Solo, and Ben Solo was gone.

* * *

_"You're getting it all wrong, you know."_

_The new girl to the Master Skywalker's Jedi Academy looked up from the sketch she was making, glaring gently at Ben for having interrupted her. He chuckled a bit at her sour expression. She certainly arrived here a bit older than most of the others had. He himself had been here since he was about four or five. The girl, having grown up outside of the Academy for perhaps fourteen or fifteen years by the looks of it, was strange compared to the others. But Master Skywalker had brought her here specifically. She must not have been so bad._

_"You're trying to design a droid, aren't you?" Ben asked when the girl in front of him failed to respond the first time. He'd noticed since her arrival that she spent their few hours of free time in the day from training drawing with charcoal on old sheets of paper. At times, she tucked the drawing charcoal behind her ear, or it got on her fingers and, in her day to day fidgeting, smudged it across her face. "Don't you think that one's going to be a bit slow? It's going to be an enormous hunk of metal."_

_"What are you talking about?" she asked, her brow furrowing as she looked down at her drawing. The suggestion that there was something wrong with it seemed blasphemous - she had been showing the drawing of the same droid to her father since she was a small child, and he had never said a word against it. He'd even promised that they would build it one day - and now this pompous schoolboy who thought he was a warrior now presumed her knew better? "It's fine -"_

_"Here," he said. She sneered slightly at his gall, but he was entirely unfazed, taking the stick of drawing charcoal from her hands and reaching onto her paper to change the sketch so that it resembled a spider with a rounded off body and long, bent legs. "It's better, don't you think?"_

_Better? The girl pursed her lips for a moment, looking back and forth between the dark-haired boy and the sketch in front of her. It was better - but she hardly felt compelled to admit it. She had seen this boy around with the other initiates, strutting around with a throng of others following him as though he was some kind of celebrity. Perhaps, she had to concede, the admiration wasn't completely unfounded - he was smart, to be sure. But still, something about him frustrated her - and frustration, she had quickly learned, was against the way of the Jedi._

_"Thanks," she said casually, putting on an air of not caring despite the fact that it clearly bothered her immensely. "I'm Yasha."_

_"Ben Solo," he said with a proud grin. "You might've heard of me."_

_"Can't say that I have."_

_"Are you serious?" Ben asked. "My father is Han Solo. The Han Solo. My mother is Princess Leia - heroes of the Galactic Civil War?" Ben pressed on, proudly ticking off the names of his parents as though if he spoke more, if he listed more, the girl would somehow recognize some of it. The blank stare on her face, however, hinted at the fact that hearing about Ben Solo's family tree was not ringing any bells._

_There was a brief awkward pause as Yasha regarded Ben with a slightly arched eyebrow, cocking her head to one side. "My mother is a baker and my father is a miner - this is the first time I've left Lothal in my entire life. I think I may be excused having heard of many things," she added shortly._

_Lothal, Ben thought with a chuckle. So this new initiate, Yasha, was a farmgirl who dreamt about building droids and becoming a Jedi Knight - a girl farmgirl who acknowledged no limitations, who clearly was intent on greatness. He could see it in her, behind her plain exterior. There was something quaint about it, he decided. She would make an interesting friend indeed._

* * *

And she had been. To say the least, she had been in his mind the most interesting of the friends in Ben Solo's life - in the life that was now dead and gone. The only thought that remained now in Kylo Ren's mind upon seeing the Crawler was not jealousy or bitterness at the use of the design... but the fact that it meant that the co-designer was alive. Somewhere in the galaxy, Yasha Faygill had returned and was not working alone - Kylo Ren was no longer the same young man, but she was still the same young woman, full of ambition and unyielding to limitations.

"Commander Ren," came the hesitant voice of one of the Stormtroopers appearing in the doorway, snapping him out of his stupor. In the recesses of his mind, he was thankful for the interruption. It would not do to dwell on thoughts of a farmgirl from Lothal who had brought him only weakness in the past. "Supreme Leader Snoke is ready to see you."

"Very well."

"He asked that I escort you, due to your -"

"I can make it myself."

"Commander -"

"I said," Ren roared, pulling his lightsaber from his holster and igniting it with a foreboding zing, "I will go to see Supreme Leader Snoke myself."

The Stormtrooper gave a clumsy bow and made a hasty retreat. Once he was out of sight, Kylo Ren turned and began walking, attempting to be discreet in clutching his still excruciatingly painful side, concealing the limp in one of his legs - all injuries from his fight with that girl from Jakku who he knew of all too well. It was his hatred of her for having bested him that gave him the strength to stand. He needed this hatred. This was the only emotion he could allow himself to succumb to, even if others circled him like vultures, clawing and swiping at his consciousness, attempting to enter his mind. Every step throbbed and ached, but even then, he kept his winces of pain concealed beneath his mask and pushed forward proudly through the corridors of the ship. Here, he had power. Here, he had respect.

Every visit to the chambers of Supreme Leader Snoke, however, came with the same unsettling feeling of apprehension and inadequacy that Kylo Ren could never seem to outgrow. Standing before even this hologram of a man was, though he would never outwardly manifest it, terrifying. He stared down at the masked young man.

"We will try again," Snoke said without any pretense of concern for Kylo's well-being, despite his obvious strain to even make it to the grand chamber. The younger masked man flinched beneath his mask, thankful that the fear instilled by the severity of Snoke's voice could remain concealed. As though aware of the security that Kylo Ren gleaned from his mask, as though nearly gleeful to erase the semblance safety it gave him, Snoke spoke again. "Remove it."

"Supreme Leader -"

_"Remove it."_

Concealing the quavering of his gloved hands, Kylo Ren reached up to remove his helmet, revealing the still-raw scar that practically now consumed one side of his face. At times, he relished it because it destroyed a part of him that still resembled the boy called Ben Solo. But it was also a reminder of defeat - a token of loss. Ashamed and unable to look up at the Supreme Leader, he kept his head low until he felt the familiar compulsion - Snoke's holographic hand extended, and against Ren's own will, his head was raised to look up at the monolithic projection.

"Perhaps today, Supreme Leader," he said with forced steadiness in his voice. Snoke nodded. He needed for the young man to be prepared for the Imbuing - the next and greatest step in the plans of the First Order. This plan was one that needed to succeed where all others had failed.

Kylo then shut his eyes and felt the familiar mental onslaught of the man entering his mind - the same feeling of being electrocuted throughout his body to which he had been subjected every day since his fight with the Rey and the destruction of the Starkiller Base. And today, again, he fell limp to the ground when it was over, opening his eyes to see the disappointed expression of the Supreme Leader.

"I do not understand," Kylo said through gritted teeth, managing only to rise to a kneeling position. Even in such a vulnerable stance, he felt himself shaking, barely able to hold himself upright. "I do not understand why it fails, Supreme Leader. I killed him. I killed Han Solo -"

"And it was not enough," Supreme Leader Snoke hissed. "It was not enough for the transformation to be completed. You have not yet overcome the Light. You are not yet ready to take your place alongside me, Kylo Ren. You must be the first. You must be ready before the Imbuing can continue, or I will be forced to find _another_..."

"Supreme Leader -"

"I will assign you a new mission. The new plans - you will be charged with scouting the new planets for our acquisitions," Snoke continued, his voice roaring and echoing through the chamber. "The success of the Imbuing will rely on you. And this will be your chance to prove your dedication to the Dark Side."

"My Leader, I do not know -"

"See to it that you succeed, Kylo Ren."

And with that, the hologram of the Supreme Leader disappeared, leaving the scarred young man in darkness. He hissed, finally allowing himself to crumple slightly and succumb to the pain of his injuries - the searing pain that surged through the parts of him that so recently had been practically torn open. He uttered a piteous groan now that he could not be heard in the empty chamber, and he groped in the darkness for his helmet, sliding it back over his face. He could not succumb to pain he reminded himself, beating his fist against his scarred and still tender side as though hoping to beat away the still-searing pain. Accepting pain was admitting weakness, and weakness was a luxury of the Light, he reminded himself.

He could not fail this time. The Supreme Leader had trusted him with this mission - perhaps even the most crucial operation to their success in crushing the Resistance. The Supreme Leader was entrusting this to him. The Imbuing could not fail.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem quoted in the beginning is my favorite, the same one that comes up in one of my stories on another site, "Grim Becomings", as well (In case you've followed me over here from there). In the upcoming chapters, we'll learn more about what the Imbuing is, but I will gladly entertain any theories or guesses. We're also going to slowly ease into knowing more about the history between Ben and Yasha, mixed into the current storyline. Thank you for sticking with me! Until next time, cheers!


	4. Of Plans and Procedures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which new plans and old mistakes are brought to light.

"And... there."

Rey and Yasha both knelt next to BB-8 and the Crawler to make sure the data transfer continued without a hitch. BB-8 let out a flurry of enthused beeps to signal everyone that the transfer was complete so they knew to gather around the small droid. It began projecting the video footage obtained from the First Order ship while Yasha retrieved the data drive from the Crawler and brought it to their main control panel in order to see if any of the data it had pulled from the ship's systems could be accessed.

Yasha was slightly distracted, as she often was, at the sight of one pair in particular. Finn immediately appeared apprehensive at the mere sight of the inside of the Order's ship again, and Rey, quickly noting his reaction, reached out and gave his shoulder a slight squeeze. Clearing her throat gently, Yasha tore her gaze away and returned to work just as the footage began to show the Crawler getting past the hangar and into the main body of the ship.

'There's protected data retrieved from control room seven," Yasha spoke up as her eyes roved over what was available to them. "BB-8, can we move to that part of the footage?"

A series of beeps again, and the video playback began to speed up considerably - there was a brief moment as the Crawler roved down the hallway, winding its small scope camera under every door, that there was a brief glimpse of one masked figure in particular, but it moved quickly. Yasha bit her tongue to keep from requesting BB-8 to go back. Instead, she kept quiet as the video continued to the doors of Control Room 7. The Crawler could be seen moving up the side of the door, into the shadows, and winding the small scope camera into the gap.

This control room as brightly illuminated by screens and projections like a few of the others, but the camera on the Crawler wasn't close enough to make sense of them. In front of the control panel, a single Storm Trooper sat, apparently sleeping with their hands folded in their lap.

"KR-3360," Finn said with a slight curl of his upper lip. "I always knew he was dozing off when he was on camera duty."

The gathered Resistance seemed to draw closer to try and see whatever they could from the footage, but the best that could be made out were a few maps. Yasha felt as though they'd caught a glimpse of the maps elsewhere on the footage when they had been watching it in rapid fast-forward but couldn't quite place where she had seen it.

"We need that data," she said in light exasperation. "The Crawler was able to retrieve some of the data files, but they're secured. I can't -"

"Hold on," Finn spoke up, eyes flitting around the projection and gesturing at the time marked on the far wall. "In ninety seconds, the timer will go off for the hourly security check and 3360 will have to perform the routine security," he stated knowingly. "Or Phasma'll show up and do it for him. Wouldn't be the first time."

So for a short while, the room waited with breath, and sure enough in less than two minutes there was the sound of beeping on the feed and the sleeping Storm Trooper awoke - he reached over and punched a code into the keypad at the control panel.

"Got it," Finn said, working his way over to where Yasha was sitting. "If the layout on the control panel is the same as it used to be, I think I have the security code."

Yasha happily obliged in moving aside so Finn could try to get into the file. He punched in a code, but on this first attempt, appeared to have entered it erroneously. He grimaced, but reached out to try again. This time the files opened, and he pumped his fist in triumph, breaking into a wide grin and again meeting eyes with Rey who gave him a proud, acknowledging nod.

General Leia now moved over to stand next to them at the control panel to look over the exposed files, and across the faces of Finn, Yasha, and Leia all the same, a concerned expression blossomed. Yasha leaned forward, resting her hands against the edge of the control panel. Leia crossed her arms over herself, shaking her head. Curious and unable to resist, Rey, too, wandered over to stand next to them and look at what had been exposed.

"The Imbuing?" she read aloud, her brow furrowing in confusion. "This is their new plan?"

"They're scouting planets in our galaxy for traces of a mineral called Marelignium," Yasha pointed out, gestured gently with her index finger to where a few different planets were lit up on the map - planets she knew, due to knowledge from what felt like a past life, shared one thing in common. "It's a rare substance found in the outer core of certain planets - very small amounts. There was a rush to mine for it, years ago, but it was so rare that the return on investment was practically nothing."

"So why do they want to go looking for it again?" Rey asked. "If it didn't work before -"

"Marelignium is a power source. In large amounts, it's extremely potent - extremely destabilizing," Yasha stated - there were times, she realized, that growing up a poor miner's daughter had its advantages after all. "Miners used to make good business selling even small amounts, especially to medics. It's so destabilizing that it disrupts the surrounding energy fields, and even allows the transfer of energy from person to person."

"Hold on."

General Leia gestured for the others to step aside slightly so she could take over at the control panel, scrolling through some of the data they had unearthed until the sight of one dataset in particular caused her to inhale sharply, covering her mouth in one hand. Sensing her reaction, Finn, Rey, and Yasha drew nearer to her once again and glanced at the plans. "They're calling their plan the Imbuing," she nodded. "This is why they need the Marelignium."

"They're going to try and fuse the power of their leader to all of his followers - into the entire First Order," Yasha said in realization as well. "This is how they're going to build up their army."

The buzz and murmur in the room upon this revelation rumbled like a low boil. An entire army infused with the consciousness and the power of one man? Roving the entire galaxy to unearth just traces of a precious mineral? It was practically unheard of. She felt the apprehension in the pit of her stomach growing.

"Everyone," Leia said calmly, again raising her hands to get everyone's attention. "This is important information - very important. But it is not something we can act on yet. The best we can do is wait and plan - this is..."

Her voice trailed off slightly, and she cleared her throat. It went without saying why such revelations were difficult for even their accomplished General. The First Order included her son - and that meant, if all went as planned, she would lose yet another piece of him, if there was even a piece left.

"...this is a lot to process," she conceded, nodding with her eyes momentarily shut. "We should adjourn for now."

The reverence the members of the Resistance shared for General Organa was a combination of the respect allotted to a fearless leader, and the love given to a beloved Princess, even if she refused to be referred to as such any longer. It was in rare moments like these, when the cool composure of their brave leader melted away, that their hearts thought better than to force the role upon her. Slowly, they filed away, allowing her a moment of mourning - they trickled from the room until only Finn, Rey, and Yasha remained at the General's side, and as they others left, they revealed that Luke, too, sat silently on the other side of room. Leia sank gently into a chair at the control panel. BB-8 let out a series of beeps again and the projector began to power down before Leia raised her hand to stop the droid from turning off the projection.

"One more thing," she said quietly, her eyes fixed on the projector screen. And, even as a mere piece of machinery, BB-8 understood what that one thing was. The footage quickly rewound itself to one spot in particular, the same moment that had caught Yasha's eye earlier as well, when the Crawler's camera had stopped in the quarters of Kylo Ren.

And finally, now, in the nearly empty Great Room, Leia hunched over at the sight of her long-lost son, letting out a single choked sob. Ben. Perhaps it had been better when she had not seen him this way, hunched over a table covered in maps, apparently studying them intently. The way his shoulders drooped, the way he shifted his weight and clutched his side - Leia knew her son. She knew that he was struggling and in pain, and that there was nothing she could do for him - for a mother, there was no greater torture.

Leia Organa had nearly been able to convince herself that she had let him go. After word had arrived of Han's death, Leia had nearly been able to make herself believe that she harbored anger towards her son - yet seeing him this way destroyed those thoughts.

Yasha, on the other hand, remained standing - her face turned a sickly pale color, almost green and ill at the sight of the man in the projected image. She had not seen him in years, and yet, even while he was masked and showed no signs of the young man she'd once known, she knew. "Excuse me," she said shakily, quickly taking her leave to be alone.

Soon, Rey and Finn both thought it best to leave as well - but for hours, sitting in her own allotted quarters, Rey could not find herself settled. Even long into the night, she continued to mull over everything that had come to light in just a matter of hours. The least of all her concerns, to her surprise, was the new plans of the First Order. Plans and strategies were things that could be addressed, could be calculated and approached with careful tactics. What stayed with her, what kept her awake, was the fact that despite all that Kylo Ren had done, despite all of the people he had hurt and the lives he had destroyed, he was still someone whose memory lingered.

And Yasha.

The woman, slightly older than Rey herself, seemed so aged - so weathered. The merciless control the woman exerted on her emotions all in the name of the Jedi Code confused Rey - this Code had caused Yasha, as far as Rey could tell, nothing but misery, and yet she committed herself to following it. The tales that Rey had always heard of the Jedi were great ones that told of strong men and women of many races, who were at peace in their own souls and brought peace in turn to the Galaxy. But where was the peace in Yasha Faygill? Rey saw only pain. How, then, was the return of Luke Skywalker and his only remaining pupil meant to give any of them hope?

The lingering questions and the unsettling feeling of foreboding was enough to make Rey pace across her floor so many times she lost count, and when this brought her no relief, she wandered outside of her quarters, outside to the airstrip where there was complete quiet. However, she found upon surveying her surroundings that she was not alone in her late night wanderings - Luke Skywalker, too, stood outside at the far end of the airstrip, looking up at the sky.

Rey strode purposely towards him, stopping just behind him. Knowingly, Luke turned around and drew in a deep breath at the sight of her the same way he did the first time she had approached him at the top of the mountain on the deserted island - there was a strange familiarity and an apprehension in his eyes every time he looked at her that no one seemed to question. Everyone seemed to look past it, but Rey saw it - felt it every time.

"There's something that no one has told me," Rey finally spoke up, her voice clear in the still night. Luke tensed, the motion an unfamiliar sight in the normally composed, cold Jedi Master. Rey momentarily frowned, not understanding, but instead moved on. "About Yasha."

The short addition, though only two words long, caused visible relief in the older man.

"I saw his face in her memories - just for a moment," Rey stated. "When she showed me the plans for the Crawler. And now, the way she looked when she saw him. There's a connection between them that no one is telling me."

"They trained as Jedi together - I was their teacher," Luke stated simply. "They grew close to one another."

"And then?"

The insistence on answers nearly made a smile appear on Luke's weathered face, though it morphed quickly into a pain expression. "And then," he began, "I believe my mentorship may have sent them down their respective paths. I suspect that much of this is my doing."

He turned and took a few steps away, placing distance between himself and Rey, who now regarded him with confusion. Luke steadied himself before turning back to face Rey. This, he realized, would be the first time that he acknowledged these things - these hidden burdens within him that rendered him weak. "It was for their own good," he continued, sounding unconvinced and instead pleading for it to be truth. "I asked that Yasha make a decision that Ben Solo never could have. He could not have been trusted to choose wisely. He led with emotion - his mind was clouded," Luke said, shaking his head. "I should have known then that it was not only my teachings that he had opened his mind to. All I knew what that the fate of the Jedi Order rested on my shoulders. I knew that Yasha could be trusted to do what was best."

"Master Skywalker?"

Luke gritted his teeth gently, steeling his resolve before taking a few steps closer to the young woman, reaching out and gently taking hold of her hands. He raised her hands so they hovered on either side of his face. Rey knew what this meant. "It would be better," Luke began, "if I showed you."

He shut his eyes, and allowed one memory in particular to be shared between himself and Rey.

* * *

_It was evening again, but in a place far different than the airstrip on D'Qar - a heavily wooded area, peaceful and beautiful. A younger Yasha Faygill was leaving a wooded clearing with Luke Skywalker, her arms wrapped gently around herself against the cold evening breeze. Yasha took her nightly meditations, perhaps, more seriously than most - just as she did most parts of their training despite her young age. However, before they could return to the living quarters of the Jedi Academy, Luke paused - and his pupil did the same. Instead of heading back to the compound, he veered towards a wrought iron bench and took a seat, gesturing for his young pupil to follow._

_"Master Luke?"_

_"Ben Solo," he spoke up quietly, sending a knowing glance in his pupil's direction. Normally, Yasha Faygill's composure was unshakeable, but now she gave a small gasp. Her face reddened slightly and her gaze shifted momentarily to the ground, so that Luke's suspicions about the pair were all but confirmed. "He is a gifted apprentice, as are you. My two best," Luke stated. "But, Yasha -"_

_"Master, Ben... he makes me want to do better. To be better," Yasha explained, her voice shaking with anxiety. "Surely that isn't -"_

_"This is not the way of the Jedi Knights," Luke interrupted calmly. "Yasha, you know this. How would you see this end?" The question was one that the younger woman could not answer, and instead, she averted her gaze again. It pained Luke to see her now struggling, but he knew that it needed to be done. Luke cared for his pupils, but he was also honor-bound to preserve the Jedi Order. Yasha Faygill and Ben Solo were his two strongest pupils, the best hope of the Order - but all the teachings he had known of the Jedi Way indicated that what was growing between them would only mean pain. It would take them away from their training. "You are both equally gifted," Luke continued, though he saw the beginning of tears forming in the young woman's eyes. "But you are the only one who has the ability to put your emotions aside and do what is right. You know this to be true, Yasha. You remember what happened on Balmorra."_

_Yasha drew in a deep breath and raised her eyes to meet those of her Master, bravely facing his gaze and processing what he was asking of her. "What happened on Balmorra was a simple mistake," she reasoned weakly. "It won't happen again."  
_

_"And you can promise this, Yasha?"_

_She was trying. Luke, however, saw the turmoil within her and realized that even she would struggle. Even Yasha would not so easily be able to put aside what had grown between herself and Ben Solo. And then, in a moment of weakness perhaps, Luke raised his hand and gently gestured in front of Yasha's face. Immediately, her eyes went slightly unfocused; her shoulders slumped. Luke hesitated momentarily as it dawned on him what he was doing, but realized that now, he might as well finish what he had already started._

**_"What you have with Ben Solo cannot continue."_ **

_"What I have... with Ben Solo... cannot..."_

_But the sentence, spoken in a blank and flat-toned voice, went uncompleted - Yasha shook her head furiously, and her expression morphed into one of hurt and shock that her Master had attempted to manipulate her mind. He had not trusted her to make the choice. She leapt to her feet, looking down at Luke Skywalker in confusion, backing away slowly. Her teacher, who she had trusted, had tried to delve into her mind and control her...  
_

_Luke, too, stared at his pupil in shock - she had fought back against it. It had not worked._

_Yasha opened her mouth to speak, but the sound of footsteps drawing nearer rendered her silent. Both Yasha and Luke turned in the direction of the steps in time for the sound of a small child's voice._

_"Papa!"_

* * *

Rey flinched when suddenly, she felt Luke Skywalker's mind suddenly closed off to her, and she opened her eyes in surprise to see that he had taken a large step away. He now looked strangely nervous, guilty even.

"I'm sorry," he stammered. "I can show you nothing more."

For a moment, they were at a standstill, looking at one another with unspoken words and countless questions swirling in the air around them. First, Rey was tempted to ask about his strange reaction to her arrival earlier - why had he become so tense? Why had he been relieved that Rey wanted to asked about Yasha? Was there something else that he was hiding from her? But Rey knew that she could expect no clear answer from him. Not from a Jedi. "You Jedi," she said with a slightly bitter chuckle, shaking her head. "You're no help at all. What's wrong with it? What's wrong with caring for other people?"

"Because you will choose those you love over the greater good," Luke answered - no, recited. It was a phrase he had clearly spoken many times, even rehearsed, but the grimace on his face indicated that perhaps he did not necessarily believe it. "You will hurt, and you will mourn. You will not fulfill your mission if you allow your mind to be clouded."

"Then you're just the same as them - as the Order. As Kylo Ren," Rey replied vehemently, her face slightly contoured in frustration. "You're no different. You're cold, and you're numb."

"The Light and the Dark are not separate. The coexist, they need one another," Luke explained, allowing his eyes to flutter shut as though he was in pain of some kind. "The Jedi exist to maintain balance in the Force. The Dark Side of the Force is chaos and hate - it cannot go unchecked. That is why the Jedi are still needed."

"Control. Order," Rey nodded in comprehension. "These things combat Chaos. But do coldness and indifference combat hate? Is that what brought the Jedi victory before?"

And at the strange wisdom that had come from the mouth of the young woman, one still mostly uninitiated in the ways of the Jedi, Luke snapped to attention, staring at her in confusion. He knew the answer to her question, but in that moment, he could not provide it.

 

 


End file.
